fearing God...

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
-Proverbs 1:7

I think I've always been a bit rebellious and defiant. Some people would blame it on the youngest child syndrome (sometimes I do), but I think it's part of my personality; who I am. It's gotten me in trouble with my parents before... talking back, blatant disobedience, disrespect... people who don't know me too well probably couldn't see it in me but it's there.

I remember in high school... my parents would remark how... in some Chinese idiom about chickens (haha I think)... I'm fearless. Now that's definitely not true... but I know I did push and test the limits a LOT. And still do. I wonder why sometimes... I push away and disobey the people who love me the most - my parents. And I wonder even more how come they still love me so much, no matter what I do or don't do.


Lately I think God's been trying to teach me to fear Him. I just spent some time reading about how God's glory is revealed through us fearing him. How fear and friendship go hand in hand. Through fear, we learn to revere and obey God.... and in turn, he shows us the great blessings and plan he has in store for us when we learn to die to ourselves and put him first. Through our obedience, he can show us his great and indescribable love for us.... through people, circumstances, his faithfulness, provision, so much more. In the end, we just have to trust that God loves us and wants the best for us... and therefore obey whatever he tells us to do.

It's hard walking in obedience and submission when you're naturally rebellious. And I think we all are, to some extent. But I have to trust and keep reminding myself that I am obeying a Father who loves me and knows me better than anyone ever could. I'm trying and failing a lot... but slowly and surely, God is revealing his perfect love to me in so many ways... and he's building that awe and reverence for Him in me that I so desperately need.