update...
There have been ups and downs... but I think I'm slowly on my way up. There are a lot of things I need to face head on and stop avoiding.... things I need to really think about and reflect on... pray about and seek God's guidance and direction in. I think I need to spend a lot of quiet time alone with God. It's going to be hard because there are so many things to do and so many people to catch up with over 5 days at home before going to Urbana....but I think I really need to put God first and do what I need to do... even though it'll kill me not to spend time with everyone near and dear to me this Christmas.
I've been learning about grace (how to accept it and give it...to myself and others), humility, submission, and obedience. I've also been rediscovering over and over how very hard it is to kill that extremely large and stubborn part of me that wants to please others and almost needs for others to be pleased with me.
I think part of it is always remembering that ultimately, I am only accountable to God - he knows everything that I do and the reasons behind my actions. But still I find it hard to know that people might be judging me or talking about me and questioning my actions without knowing the whole story behind why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm also uneasy that people might stumble because of what they've heard about my behaviour, and think that if I can do it, they can do it too.
Something I woud like to clarify/confirm is that yes, I have been temporarily living with 6 guys. I'm not trying to hide it, nor am I trying to broadcast it. But I know that "CCF has a big mouth" (as one person so delicately put it :P) and people talk. It's a decision I made that I don't regret, but I don't recommend it for everyone. I feel I had good and necessary reason to do it. I know that I haven't been the best role model in general, but I'm still learning and growing, and my character is still being built through a lot of trials and challenging experiences this year. If you have any questions or concerns or thoughts about my current and past actions, I would appreciate it a lot if you express them to me directly (in person, through email, etc.), instead of possibly assuming certain things or accepting hearsay as truth.
I'm extremely grateful for so many people's concern and love and prayers. Please don't be afraid to talk to me if you want to clarify some things or ask me how I'm doing :) I might take a little while to reply, but I will eventually :P
Happy December :)
I've been learning about grace (how to accept it and give it...to myself and others), humility, submission, and obedience. I've also been rediscovering over and over how very hard it is to kill that extremely large and stubborn part of me that wants to please others and almost needs for others to be pleased with me.
I think part of it is always remembering that ultimately, I am only accountable to God - he knows everything that I do and the reasons behind my actions. But still I find it hard to know that people might be judging me or talking about me and questioning my actions without knowing the whole story behind why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm also uneasy that people might stumble because of what they've heard about my behaviour, and think that if I can do it, they can do it too.
Something I woud like to clarify/confirm is that yes, I have been temporarily living with 6 guys. I'm not trying to hide it, nor am I trying to broadcast it. But I know that "CCF has a big mouth" (as one person so delicately put it :P) and people talk. It's a decision I made that I don't regret, but I don't recommend it for everyone. I feel I had good and necessary reason to do it. I know that I haven't been the best role model in general, but I'm still learning and growing, and my character is still being built through a lot of trials and challenging experiences this year. If you have any questions or concerns or thoughts about my current and past actions, I would appreciate it a lot if you express them to me directly (in person, through email, etc.), instead of possibly assuming certain things or accepting hearsay as truth.
I'm extremely grateful for so many people's concern and love and prayers. Please don't be afraid to talk to me if you want to clarify some things or ask me how I'm doing :) I might take a little while to reply, but I will eventually :P
Happy December :)
posted by Dorcas @ 10:52 p.m.
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